July 6, 2022 I couldn’t do it. I was gathered with three other individuals, a deacon, a religious sister and another person involved in ministry, and I was asked to lead a closing prayer after we completed a discussion. The request made me feel a sense of panic. I was already very aware that I was the person in the room with the least theological training and experience in ministry. I was worried I’d stumble over words, or I’d say something silly, and I worried doing so would show the others – people I respect and love – that I was “out of my league.” I couldn’t do it. I let my fear and pride get in the way of leading prayer, and I declined the suggestion quickly and repeatedly. I couldn’t bring myself to pray with others, even though I knew those “others” to be kind, loving and accepting people. I thought of that incident as I attended the ordination of Deacon Lukas Gruber on June 25 and as I read Suzanne Pietropaoli’s story about the Wenzler family in Lake Placid (see the stories on Deacon Gruber and Wenzler Family). Here are people who are not afraid to boldly follow God’s call in their lives. Deacon Gruber is living boldly his willingness to serve Christ and his Church as a deacon and, God willing, eventually as a priest. The Wenzlers are boldly following God’s call to be open to love and life. Deacon Gruber and the Wenzlers have followed God’s call in these areas despite living in a culture that has normalized serving our own desires and wills, and they’ve done so in ways that are very visible and likely open them up to people thinking they are “silly” or “out of their league.” I’d like to think that all of us, or at least most of us, sometimes struggle with feeling unworthy to do God’s will and proclaim God’s word. Let’s be honest: We’re not worthy. But God asks us to do it anyway. He asks us to bring our unworthiness to him and allow him to use it and us for his glory. I sincerely hope I’ll have the courage to respond to God’s calls in my life as they present themselves in the future. While I’m sure I’ll continue to struggle with pride and feelings of unworthiness, I am committed to trying to follow the lead of those God has placed in my life to inspire me. With God’s help, I hope I’ll at least try to do it. |
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